I am the type of person that works best with a plan (obviously, I have every workout from now until November scheduled already). Spontaneity has never been my strong suit. In fact, it kind of scares me. I like structure and order. And I truly believe that with the right strategy, any task, no matter how daunting, can be accomplished.
For as long as I can remember, I have tackled my life in this manner. Things tend to be black and white for me. You are either moving forward. Or you're not. And right now, I'm not. Right now, I'm standing still. Waiting. Waiting for something that is completely out of my control. Something that will ultimately reshape my family's future for the better. But, the wait is driving me insane.
Honestly, I'm really not handling the stress well.
I am moody and short-tempered.
I am distracted and preoccupied.
I am unfocused and erratic.
I am anxious and excited.
I have a constant case of "the butterflies."
Maybe I put on a good show, but I'm not sure that's the case. And unfortunately, I think J and the kids are taking the brunt of my bad mood, which makes me feel horrible. Maybe if I scream, I'll feel better. I mean, it couldn't hurt, right?