I am an introverted extrovert. If that makes any sense at all. I really don't like social situations. I hate introducing myself to others and making small talk. I like to have some background about the people I meet, before I actually meet them. And in a room full of people, you will often find me sitting in the corner playing with my Blackberry.
That is unless someone else does the hard work for me. Because once I have an in, you can't shut me up. I am an open book. If you ask, I will tell. And I tell it like it is. This personality style has been both good and bad for friendships. I tend to have a cyclical pattern to my friendships. And it kind of works like this ...
I meet someone and we become friends. Then over time, sometimes days, sometimes months, we meet more people who seem to mesh well. The duo becomes a trio and before long, there is a whole group of us who are tied together by a common trait, interest, belief, whatever.
Then, sometimes rather suddenly and without warning, that group dissolves and I am back in a duo (and not necessarily with the original party). And that friend ends up remaining in my life for the long haul. It happened that way in preschool and elementary, middle school and high school, college and even now. Because of this, I have a handful of extremely good friends. No, they are more than good friends, they are family. And I love this. And I hope that my children will emulate my friendships in their own.
But, while I cherish those close to me, I often wonder why others didn't cut it. Why I let some relationships dissolve. Why I didn't fight harder. Why they didn't either or if they even realize that I gave up the fight. And why it doesn't bother me more.
And the more I think about it, the more I realize I don't care about the answers. It doesn't matter why people come into your life or why they leave it. What matters is how they affected you, how they shaped your experiences, even if you can't see the value of that.
For me, every person who doesn't make the cut, makes me appreciate those who do that much more. And that is enough for me.